the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
