She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize