I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize