Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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