Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
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You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
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Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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