Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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