if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
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So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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