so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
