its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
