I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.