Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup