He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.