I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
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wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
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I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.