it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
wanna go halves on a baby?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee