just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
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I just googled if crying burns calories
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
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lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?