I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.