Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
