New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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