now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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