I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
