i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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