All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
