You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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