I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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