I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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