If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
