I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
