Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
