oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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