why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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