I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
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If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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