genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
