jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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