it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
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I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
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I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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