the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
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Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
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If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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