laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.