mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
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After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
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On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.