and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
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He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work