Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
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did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.