trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
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I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
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I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.