just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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