I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
