Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
