My brain says no but my pants say off.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize