I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
