Will you blow on my dice?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize