I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
