i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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