my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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