If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize