youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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