At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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