i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
