So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
