Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
