i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize