i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
