so explain again why im purple
no
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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