You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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